A blog for the emotionally Intelligent 25 5 29
Hot and emotionally intelligent was how this internet Instagram Influensor described the right kind of young man, but what was she really talking about for of course it was a she and not a he who was holding forth!
Then I got to thinking about one of my three grandsons, as it happens a first born, who the last time we met Saturday 24th May in Helsinki, for another Museum day out, he related this tale about meeting this girl woman or lady, who he said was lesbian, and she he said had to ask him whether he was in fact gay, because she continued, she had never met a guy who was so sensitive, or words to that effect, guessing wrongly he was homosexual. Like in her opinion only gay men can be sensitive, etc ?
In my own experiences of the male and females of the species, I have many times in these blogs related how I lost my Dad to WWII aged 5 1/2, and how he died when my elder brother had just had his 7th birthday and our kid sister wasn't yet 2. And how when men, often accompanied by their wives, came to our house to visit our widowed mother, the men always singled out my elder brother as being the more interesting person to chat with, aside from the fact he was older and more advanced in his development, he was the one most like our Dad, in terms of being more practical than either me, or our as yet unknown kid sister, to the extent it didn't take long before the most indulgent of these male partners to their wives, had got to take out a subscription to the journal "Practical Mechanics" the follow-on of which was my brother building his own grinding stone with a rotating action to sharpen knives, for example, and also making a ship in a bottle of the type that is inserted through the narrow neck of the bottle, before hoisting the sales rigging protruding to the outside of the bottle...
Meanwhile it was the wives of these men who devoted their time to chatting with me, all of which perhaps led to my being more comfortable around women than their male counterparts..? And in the absense of a father, our household comprising mother, her mother our grandmother, and our kid sister being out-numbered 3 females to two males, the only other male pretty much self sufficient.
It was no surprise therefore that come puberty and adolescence, my elder brother was always deemed to be uncomfortable around women, whereas I can never remember any such problems: call it for what it was, a kind of conditioning! Aged 14 or 15 it was I rather than he who started going to dances with a mate who was only 2 months older than me, but who nevertheless light years ahead in terms of his flair for chatting with the ladies, who understood his intentions were to get them into a bed, and with a certain section of the female population, exhibiting the mirror image to him, lol. As the innocent bystander to these proceedings, I was content to, at odd times, get a kiss on my sealed lips of such female companions. Which means I leave the sequels to these trists to the reader's speculation. Suffice to say it didn't take him long to find a partner to marry, maybe some years before it occurred to me, to be the right path to follow, always a late developer? J, my elder brother would delay his visiting dance halls some years later, and first attend dancing classes, before his inauguration would begin: maybe following more in the footsteps of his father in this regard too, both men not marrying until reaching their 30's to much younger women, and following the example of J senior's father who also so behaved.
Whether all this gets us any closer defining what being emotionally intelligent means is still unclear to me save to say that growing up without a solid father figure had me throughout my former years always being on the look out for a father figure on the one hand, but departing the less egalitarian "United Kingdom" for Finland when I was 20, has to be the one of the defining moment I would rate above all others, now as the turning point in my life: when in the last 23 years since my myocardial infarction hit me big time, it is the women in this society that have been the majority carers: Psychologists like Jordan Peterson proposing that in more egalitarian communities, the men tend to do things men are good at, whereas the women likewise do what they are good at, something I hold makes a great deal of sense!
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